a simple life

I live a very simple life. I go to work, I go to the gym, I read and write for a couple hours, hang out with friends. And right there is my existence. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't. At times I feel as if I am stagnant, moving nowhere. At other times I feel a tension between the Past and the Future, the past known but reinterpreted and the future unknown but prophesied. There are times when I am content, times when I am not. There are times when "the troubles of the world" seem far and distant, and at times they are so close I cannot breathe. There are times when God seems as far as the moon and stars, and there are times when He feels so close that if I just swept around on my heels, I would see Him standing directly behind me. I am a creature of fluctuating emotions, and I struggle to conquer my emotions rather than letting them conquer me. The simple life thus becomes less simple, because while outwardly simple, inwardly there is chaos and confusion, ambitions and dreams and convictions lurching forward and then receding like the tide. At times I feel like I am standing on the mountaintop, at other times I feel like I am submerged in the jungle valley where the sun doesn't even penetrate. Sometimes--like right now--I think about things too much. Sometimes I relish the simpleton, sometimes I am proud of the fact that I think deeply about things--and then I am humbled because despite my deep thinking, I am nearly always wrong.