Monday. I went to the Gym, read for a bit at the Centerville Starbucks, and then worked 1-7:00 with Abby and Forrest. When Leah came in to take over for me, she exclaimed, "I saw you at Apex yesterday!" She talked about her daughters, Pressley and Faith. Dylan & Tyler came over, and we grabbed dinner at DLM: I had a pretzel sandwich, pine club pasta, olives and orange juice. When we left, there was a HELL of a storm coming in. Tyler and I took lots of pics. We went back to the house and sat on the porch and drank beer and smoked cigarettes and watched the storm.
Tuesday. I worked 5:00-noon with J.J. and Jessica. A good shift. I went to the gym after work and then ran by Starbucks for a drink before taking a nap. I woke and cleaned my room. I found out Keith and Sarah have been dating up to the very end of January. Lies, deceit, distrust, selfishness--these have been the defining moments of our friendship. What did I give her? Care, compassion, sacrifice, servitude. God. And yet I still care for her and can't seem to let myself "let go," to abandon the friendship and its destruction of my life. What will it take? I pray daily for god to ease this burden. How will he answer? Will he gently relieve me? Or brutally deliver me? What will it take for me to "dust off my sandals" and move on? God only knows. Dad and I grabbed Panera for dinner, then went to Starbucks for coffee. We talked about my future, and I told him I'm leaning towards going into ministry. God has been working on my heart, and I KNOW He wants me to "preach the Word." Right now, though, I'm focusing on developing both spiritually and in knowledge of the gospel. Tyler came over, and we sat on the front porch and drank beer and talked theology: faith and repentance, resurrection and glorification, restoration and jubilation.
Wednesday. Late last night I learned that Sarah and Keith weren't together thru January, but through April 30. She lied to Ams and me consistently. She told us only what we wanted to here. All those trips to see Katherine or Christy or her brother when she never answered her phone? Probably seeing Keith, fucking him. I always knew she was unreliable, untrustworthy. She lied AGAIN and AGAIN without flinching. And Billy? And Frank? Well, she was still with Keith. So she's a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, a self-serving bitch. That's what she is. She puts on a good show, that's for sure: but we can see through the bullshit. Her facade's crumbling, and she's left exposed. Her little ruse worked--but only for a while. But in the end, all our charades are cast into the open. Am I being too harsh? Maybe. God knows I have my demons and rotted heart aspects. But I know that the coldness and wretchedness of her heart has hurt me, and continues to hurt me, again and again. You can't trust a damn thing she says, and her promises are empty. How is that conducive to a relationship? She's an adulterous drunkard; why would I want that in my life? Our entire friendships has been built upon how she can use me for her own advantage. I served her, sacrificed for her, treated her with more love than I've given myself. And all the while I failed to see who she really was, just saw her as I wanted to see her, as she used to be. I literally have no desire to be her friend.... I spent some time in prayer at Stubb's Park, then went to DLM for some pheasant eggs. Cooked 'em up with toast for breakfast. I went to Starbucks and did some reading, and then I ran by the gym for a while. I worked 1-8:00 and did some writing on the patio at work before heading home. The 8-Day stretch of work is over!
Thursday. Ams called me at 2:30 AM last night, sobbing. She broke up with Chris after he told her how he "cheated" on her sometime in January. I comforted her. She made the right decision. He's an ass, doesn't know boundaries. I woke at 9:00, ran some errands and went to Spring Valley to do some writing: still plowing through 36H2. I'm so close to being done, but I've lost interest. God, this always happens. I headed down to Cincinnati, and Ams & I got dinner at The Anchor and talked about all the shit that went down with Chris. Dylan joined us after work, and we went to Refuge to celebrate Jessie & me graduating C.C.U. It was good--lots of laughter and games and cake and good people. Jessie, Mandy, Nate, Rob, Dylan, Jobst, Tony, Jeff, Ams & Sarah. I got home around midnight and passed out.
Friday. Dad took a 1/2-day at work, and we grabbed lunch at the Der Dutchman in Waynesville and went hiking at Caesar's Creek. He knew some good trails. Mandy's coming up Thursday, and we're going to do a 14-mile hike. I took a nap and went down to Cincinnati, met up with Blake, Amos, and Mandy at Refuge. We smoked pipes and cracked jokes and Ams joined us and then Sarah. We all went to O'Charley's for drinks. Blake & Amos went on and on about how hot Ams is. Sarah pouted, "No one ever talks about me like that." Same here. I told her I thought she was hot. I got an awkward laugh out of it. It took me an hour and a half to get home because of the damned rain.
Saturday. I woke sick and all I had planned for the day went to hell. I went to Kroger and got some meds and slept till noon. I watched TV until my 3-11:00 shift at work. It wasn't bad, and my sickness by that time was more a nuisance than a hindrance.
Mother's Day. Mom got back from Cancun late last night (Jared's wedding was last Thursday). I worked 8:30-3:00 with Jessica & Mandy M. From 1-3:00 it was only me and Jess on the floor, and we were SWAMPED. It sucked. All the customers were pissed. Jess was on bar and in tears, working both Cafe and DT, and I was running between all the registers keeping the flow going. I was able to keep her from falling apart, and she thanked me for it later. Ams came up for Mother's Day, and I got Mom a Starbucks card, and Ams & I both chipped in for flowers. We ate dinner at some pub down the road and Jobst was in town so we went to Starbucks and talked for a while.
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