Monday. Wade, Jessica and I opened the shop. It went well until I somehow hurt my toe and it stung to walk. Then Forest called off sick, so I had to stay until 2:30. I locked my keys in my car, so Tyler came by and bailed me out. We had a fire come evening, and Dylan joined us and we laughed until the point of tears. We grabbed coffee at Spring Valley before they left. Tonight I sat on the back porch and prayed, it was nice. I may try to finish 36H2 tomorrow, but I'm conflicted. I've always had a guilt complex of sorts: is this for my own selfish glorification? I do tend to take things to the extremes: "It's either writing stories or serving God, and you must choose!" All of it weighs heavy upon my chest. And my toe hurts.
Tuesday. I worked 6-2:30, and my toe felt much better. I went to the gym after work and went to Centerville Starbucks to write. Mom's bible study group went to see Sabrina in concert at Miamisburg High School. I spent the evening reading, writing, and exercising. I finished another chapter in 36H2. It's such a damned chore now. I went to the gym once night fell and spent the evening chatting with Maria G. on Facebook. I found out she thinks I'm cute, and so is she, so we started talking. She's going through what I went through back in February through April: facing life for what it is and wrestling with it.
Wednesday. I woke at 6:00 and worked out and drank coffee and smoked and prayed before working 7:30-4:0. Jessica from work invited me to her art show Friday in Dayton, but I'll probably be in Cincinnati. Jess Lynn stopped in today to get her tips from her shift back from March. We hugged, a nice and long hug. I wouldn't mind being with her: she's so sweet and caring and loving, even if she can be a bit crazy from time-to-time (Join the club, right?). "An old-fashioned girl." That's what I want: NOT Sarah. But I know, at least, that my draw towards Jess Lynn, and Maria G., is more escapism than anything, my own desire to know that things will--or, at least, can--be okay. I went to House Church with Dylan and Tyler. Tensions ran high, someone confessing a divorce, and people started crying. It was awkward. "You probably could've chosen to come on a better night," Tyler mused.
Thursday. Jessica asked me to come to her art show again. Eh. Mandy came up after I got off work at 2:30, and we went on a 10-mile hike at Caesar's Creek. It was beautiful and serene, and we shared lots of laughs and conversation. She asked me how things are going with Sarah. "Much better," I said. Dark fell, masking the unmarked trails, and we were lost. I called Dad, and he figured out where we were based on landmarks and picked us up and drove us back to the car. Mandy and I grabbed dinner at China Cottage, and then I gave her some gas money and she went home. Jess Lynn called earlier, really sad; "I need you to hold me," she whimpered. I promised to call her. Mandy said, "I think she likes you." She does, I think, though only intermittently: but that's how it is for both of us. Nostalgia and escapism. It's a pleasant fantasy. I'm going to call her and then go to bed.
Friday. Jess Lynn and I talked until 12:30 AM, sharing our struggles. She cried as she lamented bullshit at work and how she failed a college class and how she won't graduate until December. Regarding graduation, I told her that it doesn't really matter, no one cares, it's not lame, it won't change how people perceive her. We talked about the suckiness of life, how life's a bitch and a cycle between positive and negative experience. I told her she has hope, and she does, though she doesn't see it right now. "Things will get better," I told her. But then they'll go straight to hell again, because that's how life works. I went down to Cincinnati this evening. Blake & I smoked pipes at Refuge. Pipe Club! We then went to the Sunset Pub for beers, bourbon, and conversation. It was good getting to know him some more. Mandy joined us. The bartender there went to C.C.U. and graduated in 2005. She was cute and I tried flirting but failed. It was good chatting her up, though. Sarah was going to join us, but she went to see her family in Wilmington (or to Keith's; who the hell knows anymore?).
Saturday. I returned home last night to find Uncle Bill and Aunt Teri at the house. They'd spent the night, had a wedding in Columbus today. Sarah called today, said she was actually home last night, was mad I didn't swing by. WTF? She said she was in Wilmington! My graduation was at 10:00, and I nonchalantly decided not to go. Instead I went to Starbucks and drank espresso and pondered spiritual things. Dylan came over around 2:30. We played some Mario-Kart and then made the hour and a 1/2 drive to Liberty, Indiana to attend part of Jess Lynn's graduation party. Dylan and I pretty much stuck to ourselves. The only people I knew were Jess Lynn and her parents. Dylan and I got back to Dayton around 7:30. Tyler and Dewenter joined us. We ran to D.Q. and I.G.A. Sarah called from Wilmington, and we chatted for a bit.
Sunday. Dewenter got here around 10:00, and we went to Miamisburg Christian Church on 725. Adam Y. plays there, Chris W. volunteers, and Hank plays drums there from time-to-time. We ran into Ron & Aisa. After church we grabbed lunch at China Cottage: me, Pat D., Hank and Ashlie. At home I did some writing, and worked 3-10:30. Mandy K. and I have been writing emails back and forth.
No comments:
Post a Comment