Monday. I went to Yellow Springs at dawn and went on a 4-mile hike, amped up by a quad espresso from Starbucks long before sunrise. After hiking through Glenn Helen, I went into town and got a coffee from a quaint shop along the hippie stretch. I went down to Cincinnati, and Rob & I grabbed coffee at Coffee Emporium, then played some Wii with Mandy & Amos back at the Claypole House (they just moved in! It's a pretty sweet place). When I got back home, I took a nap and woke to Uncle Don at the house. He's in town for some Coke business (and not the kind you make a ton of money off of). We ate dinner at Cadillac Jack's and spent the evening hashing it out in the living room.
Tuesday. I called Jess Lynn late last night. She's headed to Italy in eight days, a post-graduation vacation (minus the graduation). We're going to hang out when she gets back. I had the day off, spent most of writing and reading N.T. Wright. Dylan & Tyler came over, and we played Mario-Kart and went to the theater and saw Disney's "Oceans." We hung out at the house for a while.
Wednesday. Everyone's noticed a good change in my emotions, and most of it has been due to an emotional detachment from Sarah. But now the emotions are crawling back, rearing their ugly heads. I walked and prayed that God would deliver me from this Hell, deliver me from this--not because I deserve it, but because He loves me and wants what's best for me. I got back home and read N.T. Wright. Dylan came over with Indonesian cigarettes he'd gotten off a friend. We smoked them, a weird, clove-like flavor, and played Mario-Kart. We went to DLM for a bit. My ex-gf Karen emailed me today. Things are going downhill with Brian. Apparently he's treating her badly. "He cheated on his wife, so why does that surprise you?" She had no response. Fair enough, I suppose.
Thursday. I worked 6:30-3:00 with Jessica, Wade, and J.J., then went to the gym and ran for a while at Stubb's Park. Sarah sent me a bunch of emails to me, admitting there are things she's not willing to give up in her life. She wants to keep living in such a way as to indulge every fleeting pleasure and fancy. I told her that's her decision, and if any bad comes from it, she has no excuse. I went to Starbucks for a while and read N.T. Wright, "Surprised By Hope." It's damned good. Wright's making me rethink some of my most cherished perceptions on Christian and Jesus. Not in a "liberal" way. Before bed, Dad and I sat on the front porch and smoked cigars and talked theology. "Are you still considering seminary?" he asked. I said Yes. But I'm not really sure. While I do, at times, feel stagnant, I know that now is a pretty key--"transitional"--phase. How? I just know.
Friday. I woke up at 6:00 for a crazy morning: Faith forgot to schedule a fifth opener. I went to the gym after work and downloaded all the songs needed to DJ Jared & Ashley's wedding reception tomorrow (they got married a few weeks ago in Cancun). Mom & Dad went to a Red's game, box seats, and then went down to Kentucky to get ready for tomorrow. I talked to Mandy K. for a bit. She's doing okay. I talked to Jess Lynn, too: she's sick but excited for Italy. The storms tonight were incredible: rain, hail, sirens, the works!
Saturday. I slept until 8:00 and got breakfast, toast and eggs, at Frisch's while reading N.T. Wright's "Surprised by Hope." I went to Clearcreek Park to pray, so much tension and confusion in my life right now. I headed down to Kentucky. The wedding reception was great. We had some problems with the speakers, but we figured it out. It ended at 10:00, and I was in Cincinnati by 11:30, and I went by Refuge for some espresso fashioned by Rob, and then I went over to the Rosemont Apartment. Sarah and Moose were hanging out, and I joined them for a while. I found out that one of Sarah's friends, a white trash loser named Kevin, told her it was a good idea not to date me because I'm bipolar and had cut myself. His words were hurtful and searing, a direct assault on me as a person. I used to think like that about myself, and it was hell, but even among my hardest moments, I have been twice the man he is. It hurts because some people just hear that and make wild, cinematic assumptions. They don't know me at all, they have no repertoire, and thus what they say should just be discarded. And generally, I don't give a damn what people think of me. But for some reason, this literally HURTS.
Sunday. I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM last night, and I didn't go to M.C.C. I went to Waffle House and read N.T. Wright during lunch. The waitress flirted with me. I worked 3-11:00 with Lourdes, who brought Greek food; Denise, who brought chicken fingers; and Aubree, who brought homemade chips & dip. We were out by 10:35. I talked to Mandy K. over the phone, told her about the D-Bag and what he'd said. She's experienced similar. "I miss the old me," she said. I'm going to try to visit her in Wisconsin this summer.
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