Last night I went down to Cincinnati. One of my close friends went through a pretty traumatic and nerve-wracking experience, so I met up with her and we went to Refuge and saw some friends, and then we sat out on the cafe patio and smoked cigarettes and drank some coffee (she had a latte and I had my con panna). We talked about what happened and how it affected her, and she mentioned being drawn to friends who don't really care for her, and she said that maybe the reason is because friends who don't care aren't friends who will push her towards becoming a better person. A friend who cares is a friend who challenges and rebukes and often makes you mad. A friend who doesn't care is unwilling to "stir the waters" of the friendship; in such a friendship, any sort of unnecessary conflict is more of a bother than anything. This isn't to be confused with those friendships in which "drama" soars. You know people who thrive off drama and start drama, and this sort of drama is always self-centered and never others-centered; that type of drama isn't built upon the foundation of genuine, caring, compassionate friendship. And we talked about how it is good to have friends who challenge us, friends who prod us towards becoming better people through gentle conversations or metaphorical bitch-slaps across the face. Shallow friendships where everything is just about "having fun" are friendships that do not force a person to face the realities of their own nature, their own heart.
We talked about the lifestyle of drunken parties where not-so-innocent things occur. When I was in High School, I didn't realize how widespread these were. But now that I've met tons of people and befriended people of all walks of life, and since for quite some time I was involved in such activities, I see how widespread it really is. And perhaps my observations of it are founded solely on my own experiences (I am willing to admit that; please not the humility), but I perceive such lifestyles to be lifestyles of escape, even if the people in them wouldn't admit to this. There is a certain freedom and liberty and escapism in such lifestyles of seeking pleasure over anything else, of seeking the euphoric escape from life through sex, drugs, alcohol (and, in some cases, rock-&-roll). The reality of life is that "life is a bitch" and "fate is a cold-hearted whore" (Spill Canvas reference). I've always likened life to the phrase "What You Want, You Can't Have; What You Have, You Can't Keep; And That Which You Love Will Be Taken From You." And some of my friends have scolded me for this perspective on life. "Life is beautiful!" they exclaim. And I wonder how blind they really are, or if they've just convinced themselves of this to make it easier to deal with. I have yet to be proven wrong. And getting involved in those escapist-tactics is one of the most--if not the primary--method of dealing with the harsh realities of reality. The hell of life is easiest to deal with when we are so lost within ourselves and the temporary euphoria of the moment that we do not pay reality any attention.
But this is not a responsible way to live. It is a way of ignorance, naivety, blindness. It is just like the ostrich who sticks her head in the sand, pretending--even believing--that such an act will make everything better. There was a time in my life when I simply sought to escape. And then there was a time in my life where I just tried to cope. And then there was a time in my life when I stood tall and faced reality for what it is. I contemplated it and pondered it. I acknowledged that it really is awful, it really is painful, it really is full of suffering--and any adequate theology will acknowledge this and not only acknowledge this but also acknowledge that IT WON'T CHANGE. No matter how intimate with God you are, no matter how devoted to Him and His Kingdom you are, it doesn't change that life sucks and will continue to suck until the day you die. As Brand New sings, "Die young and save yourself," because "everyone who lives will someday die and die alone."
And I mention this because as my friend and I sat on that patio, I talked to her about the harsh realities of life. There is a Christian idea out there that when you become a Christian, life gets better. And it does. But not in the way that many of us seem to think. Even if you deny the obviously heretical teachings of people like Joel Osteen, people who advocate the unapologetic doctrine of "Health & Wealth", you may yet buy into a more subtle, mellow, and humble understanding of this. This is what happens when we say, "God has great things in store for the one who becomes His child." This is true. But we should always lay bare our assumptions when dealing with things like this, and the assumption here is often that life will get better. But the testimony of the New Testament is that life continues to suck. It doesn't get better. At the same time, it may not get worse. It just continues to suck. "Life sucks equally for the just and the unjust alike," I told my friend. "But the just have a joy amidst the bitterness of life that the unjust do not." And this is not some mystical sort of joy that God imparts upon the believer. It is a joy that is rooted in hope. The unjust have no hope. The just have hope. And it's the hope that things will get better. And not just better, but that all the harsh realities of this world will--eventually, and in a sudden and decisive and cataclysmic and traumatic moment--be destroyed, and everything will be the way God wanted it to be. Creation, our communities, our individual selves--we will be as God wanted it to be and still intends it to be.
And as I talked to her about the events that recently transpired, causing her great emotional anguish, I told her that things will get better. Life will get better. But not immediately. And not gradually. But some day, and suddenly, things will be entirely different. The world will be rescued and renewed. The miseries of our world are due to sin and its affects upon creation, our communities, and our selves. Beginning with the cross of Christ and culminating in "consummation," God will "consume" and destroy not just sin but everything associated with it--including death itself. And the awfulness of this world will be eradicated and everything will be made new and right. I told her, "What happened sucks, and it will continue to suck. And more things will happen, and they'll suck. Some will suck even more. Sure, things may get better from time-to-time. But they'll start to suck again." And then I added, "But one day we will be smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee in a world that is entirely different. And all the pains and the sufferings will be like bad dreams, as if they never happened. And they won't matter. So take heart. Embrace hope. And not despite suffering but within it, you can experience joy."
We talked about the lifestyle of drunken parties where not-so-innocent things occur. When I was in High School, I didn't realize how widespread these were. But now that I've met tons of people and befriended people of all walks of life, and since for quite some time I was involved in such activities, I see how widespread it really is. And perhaps my observations of it are founded solely on my own experiences (I am willing to admit that; please not the humility), but I perceive such lifestyles to be lifestyles of escape, even if the people in them wouldn't admit to this. There is a certain freedom and liberty and escapism in such lifestyles of seeking pleasure over anything else, of seeking the euphoric escape from life through sex, drugs, alcohol (and, in some cases, rock-&-roll). The reality of life is that "life is a bitch" and "fate is a cold-hearted whore" (Spill Canvas reference). I've always likened life to the phrase "What You Want, You Can't Have; What You Have, You Can't Keep; And That Which You Love Will Be Taken From You." And some of my friends have scolded me for this perspective on life. "Life is beautiful!" they exclaim. And I wonder how blind they really are, or if they've just convinced themselves of this to make it easier to deal with. I have yet to be proven wrong. And getting involved in those escapist-tactics is one of the most--if not the primary--method of dealing with the harsh realities of reality. The hell of life is easiest to deal with when we are so lost within ourselves and the temporary euphoria of the moment that we do not pay reality any attention.
But this is not a responsible way to live. It is a way of ignorance, naivety, blindness. It is just like the ostrich who sticks her head in the sand, pretending--even believing--that such an act will make everything better. There was a time in my life when I simply sought to escape. And then there was a time in my life where I just tried to cope. And then there was a time in my life when I stood tall and faced reality for what it is. I contemplated it and pondered it. I acknowledged that it really is awful, it really is painful, it really is full of suffering--and any adequate theology will acknowledge this and not only acknowledge this but also acknowledge that IT WON'T CHANGE. No matter how intimate with God you are, no matter how devoted to Him and His Kingdom you are, it doesn't change that life sucks and will continue to suck until the day you die. As Brand New sings, "Die young and save yourself," because "everyone who lives will someday die and die alone."
And I mention this because as my friend and I sat on that patio, I talked to her about the harsh realities of life. There is a Christian idea out there that when you become a Christian, life gets better. And it does. But not in the way that many of us seem to think. Even if you deny the obviously heretical teachings of people like Joel Osteen, people who advocate the unapologetic doctrine of "Health & Wealth", you may yet buy into a more subtle, mellow, and humble understanding of this. This is what happens when we say, "God has great things in store for the one who becomes His child." This is true. But we should always lay bare our assumptions when dealing with things like this, and the assumption here is often that life will get better. But the testimony of the New Testament is that life continues to suck. It doesn't get better. At the same time, it may not get worse. It just continues to suck. "Life sucks equally for the just and the unjust alike," I told my friend. "But the just have a joy amidst the bitterness of life that the unjust do not." And this is not some mystical sort of joy that God imparts upon the believer. It is a joy that is rooted in hope. The unjust have no hope. The just have hope. And it's the hope that things will get better. And not just better, but that all the harsh realities of this world will--eventually, and in a sudden and decisive and cataclysmic and traumatic moment--be destroyed, and everything will be the way God wanted it to be. Creation, our communities, our individual selves--we will be as God wanted it to be and still intends it to be.
And as I talked to her about the events that recently transpired, causing her great emotional anguish, I told her that things will get better. Life will get better. But not immediately. And not gradually. But some day, and suddenly, things will be entirely different. The world will be rescued and renewed. The miseries of our world are due to sin and its affects upon creation, our communities, and our selves. Beginning with the cross of Christ and culminating in "consummation," God will "consume" and destroy not just sin but everything associated with it--including death itself. And the awfulness of this world will be eradicated and everything will be made new and right. I told her, "What happened sucks, and it will continue to suck. And more things will happen, and they'll suck. Some will suck even more. Sure, things may get better from time-to-time. But they'll start to suck again." And then I added, "But one day we will be smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee in a world that is entirely different. And all the pains and the sufferings will be like bad dreams, as if they never happened. And they won't matter. So take heart. Embrace hope. And not despite suffering but within it, you can experience joy."
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