At times I feel so restless. It is a nearly painful feeling: I feel like I'm wasting my time here at C.C.U. Don't get me wrong, I love it here and am even considering going for a Master of Arts in Old Testament studies (my language would be Spanish). Yet, as much as I love the school and the opportunity that has presented itself, as I find myself hanging out in Student Life, or sitting in class, or studying in my dorm room or at the library, I can't help but look out the windows and taste the world, feel echoes of all the pain, all the heartache and heartbreak, echoes of the thousands of people who are searching for something yet are unable to say exactly what it is they desire. The world spins, people live and die, hearts are hurt and broken and bleeding, and the gospel is real. The gospel is transforming, it is awakening, it breathes life into death, light into darkness, hope into despair; so why do I often treat it like child's candy?
There is a burning passion inside me, a passion to advance GOD's kingdom, but I am doing a pathetic job at it now. I am learning the ins-and-outs of the gospel, but the basics I know, and in the end, the basics are all that I really need. I feel tied down at C.C.U., tied down to Cincinnati, when my heart burns for the youth of suburban America. I love teaching at Southwest Church, pointing the way to GOD, but I feel like I am shirking my calling. I wish I could find a way, an opportunity, to advance the kingdom into the lives of youth here in the 'Nati, but no opportunities ever present themselves. The mission field that I love is miles and miles away, in Springboro, Ohio... And I am here in Cincy.
I am restless. Yesterday I just wanted to up and drop out of college, get a job, raise a lot of money, then move to Florida and get a job (perhaps Starbucks or something of that nature), make some good friends, and start a church. I so much want to plant a church where people can come freely to experience the message of GOD's love, the message of His Son, the message of His kingdom. Maybe it's just impatience. I want this now, but now is not the right time. I don't know. I just want to lead others to the quiet meadows and calm waters of GOD's grace.
There is a burning passion inside me, a passion to advance GOD's kingdom, but I am doing a pathetic job at it now. I am learning the ins-and-outs of the gospel, but the basics I know, and in the end, the basics are all that I really need. I feel tied down at C.C.U., tied down to Cincinnati, when my heart burns for the youth of suburban America. I love teaching at Southwest Church, pointing the way to GOD, but I feel like I am shirking my calling. I wish I could find a way, an opportunity, to advance the kingdom into the lives of youth here in the 'Nati, but no opportunities ever present themselves. The mission field that I love is miles and miles away, in Springboro, Ohio... And I am here in Cincy.
I am restless. Yesterday I just wanted to up and drop out of college, get a job, raise a lot of money, then move to Florida and get a job (perhaps Starbucks or something of that nature), make some good friends, and start a church. I so much want to plant a church where people can come freely to experience the message of GOD's love, the message of His Son, the message of His kingdom. Maybe it's just impatience. I want this now, but now is not the right time. I don't know. I just want to lead others to the quiet meadows and calm waters of GOD's grace.
1 comment:
You shouldn't drop out of college! You are right it's not your time to do all those things. I think it's a beautiful thought to start a church. And your time to do that will come, you just have to be patient.
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