These are the words of one of my friends, Nick. He is currently at seminary getting a Master's in... something or another, I can't exactly remember. Anyways, to Nick: "I feel ya, Man, I feel ya."

The random thoughts are once again prompted by that last great mystery of the universe, the Schumann Response Cavity. Ha-Ha, just kidding of course I was talking about womyn. As I look at how my personal views and opinions on Womyn have changed in the last, say, five years; I am forced to once again re-evaluate the role that physical attraction plays in the initial stages of any relationship, Christian or not depending on subculture, and how one of a more gentlemanly background might attempt to distance himself from this contradiction in the subculture. It almost always (there are no absolutes) begins with physical attraction, what else is there but the sight of a person when you don't know a damn thing about them, other than the fact that he or she can really fill out a sweater or a pair of blue jeans. A Christian (or anyone who is attempting to be chaste until their marriage) admitting that such raw sexuality is indeed right beneath the surface even in Bible College relationships is one step closer to remaining chaste. Not that this raw sexuality is necessarily evil, however it has been prescribed to us by those whom we hold in high esteem that fornication is wrong. It clouds the mind, it ruins young relationships, in essence it performs a delicate action known among our heavier rockers out there as a mindf*ck. In a Christian environment the first justifaction then comes, the "I'm going to marry them anyway, so it doesn't matter." Then panic insues at the first stages of difficulty, followed by the realization of rationalization. Admit it, the sexuality is what makes relationships happen, and when properly and respectfully dealt with, abstinence becomes a matter of choice rather than a lack of opportunity.

In much the same way when one is studying the Bible, it is necessary to recognize a TYPE (do not want any misunderstandings here) of this sexuality. I'm not saying that you should become aroused when you see a GNT, rather what I am saying is that based on what we are we have tendencies to read thing the way we want to, to come up with Sunday school answers for legitimate textual variants and problems, as well as wanting to preserve the traditional interpretations that we have been presented with. We must acknowledge this desire lurking beneath the surface so that we can deal with is properly and respectfully. Perhaps only then will be begin to reverse the trend that cause the world of scholarship to turn its nose up at the word evangelical.

Thus it can be seen that our most vulgar thought can be twisted into a positive persepective on how we think about everything. Perhaps this is a topic for further research by the 434 Publishing group, a division of the Blue Collar Scholars, but how did we get here from my thoughts on Womyn? Those of you who are clever or know me well may have already guessed the engine that drives these thoughts, but the relationship with that one girl (whoever she may be) has been oft romanticized in my own mind. Now in my "older than most of the people who read this" age I can confidently say that the romanticized ideal is forever bullshit. If it happened once I would be surprised, every single relationship is different in its dynamic, and are similar only in coincidental ways. And still having said all this in the bluntest fashion it can be said outside of a third person discourse, I still have that intense desire for that one romanticized relationship wherein X and Y will no longer be problems and my perspective will become a cariacature of what it once was. Someone (me) once said that contradiction was the essence of romance. In light of this it should also be noted that when it comes to love, reason surrenders.

I supposethe only thing that really should be added here is this one fact. I am so tired of striking out, that only with great effort can I now lift the bat off of my shoulders and take a swing. I am still in the philsophical position where I can convince myself that I will ask any woman out, and perhaps thats true but the fact of the matter is that most of the time, I would rather not deal with it, any of it.