randomz II

After work a bunch of us went out to eat at the Flavor's Eatery in Centerville. It's always fun to hang out with your co-workers outside the bar (as long as you like them, I guess, which I do). Today, though, I felt kinda down and quiet. On the drive home I analyzed this, as I sometimes do; and I think it's because when I am in large groups, I instinctively become reserved and reclusive. It may be part of my introversion, but it may also be due to how, when in junior high and high school, being in such situations usually led to me being made fun of and picked on. Now I don't care. I could honestly care less if people like or dislike me, and if they want to use me as fodder for their jokes, that's fine. But sometimes I wonder if the residue of those experiences--the shame, the humiliation, the shunning--still seeps through my bones, resurrecting itself at times. I don't know.

Amanda is in town for just another night. It's been great to spend time with her. I don't see her nearly as much as I would like, and I'm excited about my trip to Cincinnati in two weeks. It'll be great seeing her again, not to mention everyone else down there. I told Amanda today, "I still identify myself as a Cincinnati guy." I listen to Cincinnati music, yearn for the Cincinnati parks, reminisce on the Cincinnati memories." When I first moved down there, I couldn't stand it. "Nasty 'Nati" didn't pick up as a slang for the city for no reason. But I guess I fell in love with it. Well, maybe love isn't the word for it. But I appreciate Cincinnati now, and I miss her when I haven't driven her streets for a while.

Sometimes I have a dirty mouth. And by that I mean I make sexual jokes and such. I was raised in an environment where that wasn't frowned on, and don't take that the wrong way. My parents are two of the godliest people I know. My point is just that "course joking" hasn't held the kind of stigma for me that it holds for others. Sometime I make a joke that people find repulsive, and I'm realizing that whether or not such joking is sinful, it's unwise. So I'm working to filter everything I say, at least when around people who don't share the same lack of revulsion. 

A cold front is moving in.

Leaves are blowing everywhere.

It's nice and warm in my room.

And I'm on my way to D.L.M. for some beer.