the dayton days (31)

damned straight!

Monday. C.C.U. is back in session: it's nice not to be down there. I spent the morning cleaning the house, ran by the gas station, and had eggs and toast for breakfast. Ams & I jumped in the Vibe and drove down to Kentucky to get my Prizm: there's a slash in the fuel tank, but it's driveable so long as I don't fill it up past 1/3 a tank. Bullshit, I know. We got home around 6:00 and Mom & Dad were back from Colorado, and Mom fixed spaghetti. Dylan came over for a bit, and I worked 9-10:00 (a weird shift, I know: Betsy got really sick and went to the E.R., so I helped out). The CD in Mom's Vibe has songs on it that were on the CD Courtney gave me when we were together. It's weird that I don't think about her anymore but yet the song, perhaps triggering dormant synapses in my brain, dredge up all those old and dusty, antique feelings. and I listen to the CD and let the emotions overwhelm me and when the next song comes on, everything's back to normal and I forget her all over again.

Tuesday. I worked a hellish 6-2:00 with a GREAT crew: Wade, Jessica, Forrest, Asenath, Tony & Destini. Yes, we had 7 people on the floor, but we needed it: school rushes are back. I hung out with Ams for a bit after work and then she headed back down to Cincinnati. I went to Starbucks on Route 48 to study Greek and write. 

Wednesday. I worked 1:30-9:00 and helped unload the truck, worked with Asenath, Betsy, Tony, Aubree, Lourdes, and Destini. After work I lounged around the house and then went to bed... I feel so restless, though maybe discontented is a better word? And while I know there will never be lasting contentment here, that knowledge doesn't make it easier to bear. In high school I was confident that by the age of 23 I'd be a full-time pastor with a wife. It didn't work out like that. No church job, despite countless attempts; no wife, despite even more "attempts" (and liars, cheaters, and backstabbers don't make the disappointment easier to swallow). Many of my friends whom I went to school with are working in ministry, married, or both. Julie and Courtney are married: Julie to the turncoat she left me for, Courtney to the rock star she cheated on me with. Yes, cynicism and disillusionment run deep. Amidst this, and no doubt influenced by it, I'm restless and aimless, just trudging through this bitch-whore called life, telling myself to hope, pleading with God to help, and hoping that when he does, it'll stick.

Thursday. I had nightmares all night, could barely sleep. I woke early and went to the Route 48 Starbucks to study more Greek and had Chipotle for lunch. I hung out with Dewenter, and then Dylan & Tyler came over. We got two big-ass spiders on the front porch, put them in a bottle, and made them fight. I've been chatting with a 19 year-old Christian girl named Clare who lives in Franklin. It's weird, because I DO want a girlfriend, but then I get scared and apprehensive, probably because the last two girls--Genna & Faith--turned out to be rather psychotic. But Clare knows that we're just getting to know each other and nothing is set in stone. Oh: F.C.C. called. I assumed they hired the other guy, but I guess not. I'm preaching there this Sunday. So I guess I'm still in the running?

Friday. I worked 6:30-3:00. It was chaotic but good. I'm becoming a quick bar, or at least faster than the other baristas. I hammered out my sermon for Sunday--it's on forgiveness--and then cleaned my room and car, since I made plans to see Clare tomorrow. 

Saturday. I opened with J.J.: 5:30-1:30. A long and tiring shifts with lots of rushes, per usual. At 3:30 I met Clare at the Route 48 Starbucks. It was awkward at times, but we connected pretty well, and we'll be seeing each other again. She's short, only 5 feet, and she's chubby, in the way that I like. She's adorable. I had a doppio con panna and she had a frappuccino. We parted ways around 5:00. I told Jessie about it (she's in Illinois now, remember?) and she warned me to be careful. I'm not talking to Clare at all hours of the night, we met each other soon, and we're taking things slow: it should be easy, since I work mornings and she works evenings. Dylan & Tyler came over, and we played Wii and sat on the front porch and smoked cigarettes: nothing unusual.

Sunday. I went by work to get coffee and go over my sermon, and by 10:40 I was at F.C.C. for "Round Two" of the interview process: another sermon, entitled (quote cleverly) "Forgiving Others." Clare came to see it and liked it, and she brought her sister Chloe, who asked, "Do you have a brother?!" Ha! After F.C.C. Clare and I went to the park and fed the ducks and walked around and then got ice cream. We parted ways, and Dewenter and I ate a late lunch at China Cottage and I told him about Clare. "You like the chubbier ones," he said. "Nothing wrong with that!"