Some time ago I met an amazing, wonderful, beautiful girl. We hung out several times and went on several dates, and I really liked (well, still like) her, and she really liked me. But I knew that it wouldn't be wise to date her, because of extenuating circumstances amidst which we found ourselves, so today I wrestled two opposing angels on either shoulder--unbeknownst to me which was Satan and which was Michael--and made the decision to call things off. It was hard, very hard, but thankfully she understood, and our friendship remains intact. I've thought about it all day, and I find myself wanting to backtrack; but that's how it always goes with these things. I need to observe wisdom and do what I know to be right. Nevertheless, it's difficult, and I already miss our text messages and online chatting.
To top it off, I continue to have no idea what to pursue in my life. It's really more complicated than a mere paragraph can show, but basically I find myself pulled in two different directions. One is selfish, the other is selfless. One is all about self-gratification, the other is about self-discipline. And yet these distinctions can be wrought in either direction; one is selfless under a certain light, and yet under a different light, it is inherently selfish. So deciding based upon which is "good" and which is "bad" is a moot point. Perhaps the time has come for me to just make a decision and stick with it, hoping and praying that I don't find myself bathing in regret because of it. But the fear of regret--and the fear of failure--keep me trapped in this indecisive, stagnant pool of water called my life. *sigh*
But at least the day, amidst its trials and tribulations, hasn't been totally bust. Dylan and Tyler came over for a delicious meal of grilled chicken, rice, and baked potatoes, polished off with Great Lakes Eliot Ness. It's 7:20 and I think I'm going to take some Nyquil, do some praying, and go to bed.
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