new year's resolution

Late in coming, but here it is, after lots of thought. On Christmas Eve Amanda and I drove to New Carlisle together, and I told her about how I have been struggling with what to do with my life. Amidst this I feel as if there is no goal, nothing to strain towards, and more often than not I become entrenched in this stagnant atmosphere of existence (the existential undertones of that statement make me nauseous). I told her about how I discovered that, even though I self-published with Lulu and Createspace, both allowed me to retain complete creator rights. I still own the books; they do not.  I did some research and discovered that several self-published novels were later retracted after decent success and commercially published at the author's initiative. As we were talking, I asked her what she thought about me pursuing getting something commercially published. "Is it selfish?" Ha. I laugh now at the thought. She said it wasn't selfish, at least not in a bad way, and that I have talent and would be stupid to squander it over a twisted guilt-complex. At that moment I made the unofficial decision to try and get "Dwellers of the Night" commercially published.

Because I retain creator rights, the issue of right infringement is really a non-issue. All of the reviews have been good or excellent. There are several websites that have my book available for discussion (not giving the book away, mind you, but allowing readers to post comments, critiques, reviews, ratings, etc.). All of the reviews on those websites are good, and I've gotten--and continue to receive--numerous emails from readers praising the work. On one website, the book--out of five ratings--was rated five out of five stars; a little exploration, and I discovered that those who rated it gave most books lower ratings, including more popular ones by Stephen King and Richard Matheson, amidst others. Also, "Dwellers" was listed as one of the top post-apocalyptic novels available out there (along with King's "The Stand", McCarthy's "The Road", and Moody's "Autumn"). I've already begun the process of redaction (editing and revising), and have gotten great feedback from several friends and acquaintances; I'm even pleased to have an associate professor of english give me excellent feedback, saying that it's really good and has the potential to be great. Such an encouragement and inspiration. 

Right now I'm focusing on redaction, working to get the trilogy into the best possible shape. This involves a lot of work--a lot more than I imagined--and a virtual re:writing of the entire 800-page manuscript. The redaction stage goes as follows:

1. Simple editing: mis-spelled words, bad grammar, etc. This simple editing also involves rewriting confusing passages, working on the flow of the story where work is needed, paying more attention to similes and metaphors (and shredding most from the manuscript), and being aware of the page's actual look (something many writers don't do; a lesson to be learned from Hemingway). 
2. Hard-copy rough draft: because it's easy to miss things when working on a word processor, I am also using Lulu to provide a polished rough draft which I can then use to continue the editing and redacting, picking up things I've missed and being enabled to work on the text when away from my computer. This will also give me a 'feel' for how the book may look in print, which is important.
3. Once I finish my rough drafts, I'll reread them one more time and then save them as PDF on an external drive. I'll then submit query letters, with the first three chapters attached, to agents and/or commercial publishers. Most publishing companies don't accept unsolicited manuscripts, so most likely I'll be aiming for agents, hoping to land a deal. After that, if success is found, well, we'll just have to wait and see.

"Why am I doing this?" Several reasons. First, this has been a lifelong dream: to get something commercially published. Self-publishing is easy, and I've had remarkable success (one internet magazine mentioned a previous book as proof that commercial publishing companies have decent competition); but there is a different prestige and mysterious promise found in being commercially published, if the only message being that someone, somewhere, believes that your work can make it in "the real world." Second, financial reasons: I have no dream of becoming a career writer or anything like that, but generally-speaking, a book deal for something like "Dwellers of the Night" could fetch anywhere between $15,000 to $30,000 dollars. Say goodbye to student loans, say hello to a fixed car and moving out of my parents' house. And if the book does well, then upcoming books will generally land higher sums. Third, I enjoy writing, storytelling, immersing myself in other dimensions and other worlds, finding myself in different times and places and with different people. In a sense, writing a story is like playing God--you're in control of what happens, and you decide the fate of the characters. There's great responsibility in this. Fourth, regret: in forty years, if my life continues to be stagnant, I don't want it to be worse by always wondering, "What if I'd tried?" If I try and fail, at least regret won't be yet another thing to wrestle through. And finally, right now I'm in limbo with life, unsure of what to do or where to go; and at least this will give me something (fun and exciting) to work towards. 

So, here's to 2011: may a tiny little dream come true.