amidst the shadows

It is difficult, in my darker moments, to perceive even a single shred of light. The darkness becomes overpowering and even suffocating. Reality becomes skewed as if it were a photograph drenched in black-and-white or sepia. I perceive everything under the umbrella of the shadows, and I let these perceptions become the undercurrents to my thoughts and actions and convictions. I assume the worst of others as I am drenched in feelings of extreme loneliness and sorrow. I feel ugly and unlovable. I come to the conclusion that my friendships are shams and that everyone is lying to me, everyone is deceiving me. I become convinced that life is cyclical and that there is no change on the horizon. Tears crawl down my cheeks and I have no choice but to persevere. And when the depression begins to fade, the light begins to break; and hope again raises its head, and the light illuminates all that I have to be thankful for. I stand from my fetal position upon the floor and wipe the tears from my eyes and stand tall with shoulders rigid and face the world. And I do not face the world alone but with a myriad of great friends who stand beside me and support me. I may perceive that I am totally alone, but reality skewed is just that: a skewed version; and when the darkness lifts reality again shifts and contorts into its rightful image, and I see that I am not alone but flocked by those who love me and care for me, and it is a wonderful feeling. Light shattering the darkness, as momentary as it may be, is a relief, and I breathe deeply and gird myself again for when the shadows shall encompass once more.