The conversation went well. She said, "I've thought about what it'd be like to date you, and I know we'd be great together, and I know you're a good guy, but I just don't share feelings for you." I was blown away by the fact that she'd considered the possibility of dating me, and it was good to know that her not having feelings for me was not calling into question who I am as a person. The rest of the night was spent with laughter and conversation diffusing the awkwardness, and the drive back was pleasant as well (lots of times those drives can be straining). It was hilarious that when we left the cafe, she got a fortune cookie that said, "An opportunity is knocking at your door." That cracked us both up.
So. I have feelings for her, she doesn't have feelings for me. What to do? There are two options. Either I can continue being myself and trying to win her heart, or I can do what must be done to erase all feelings for her. Either option is hard. Gambill told me, "If you could see the two of you going long-term if you dated, then I say maybe keep trying." I asked what he meant, and he said, "Do you think you could marry this girl? Date with intent." I have known this girl for several years, and I know that if we got married, it would probably work out. So right now I'm leaning towards keeping doing what I'm doing, though my other friend says I should do the opposite: I should do what must be done to stop liking her, or I'll just be torturing myself day-in and day-out.
I just keep thinking about how great it would be to be with her--she's an amazing and beautiful girl--and I know that we'd be a cute couple and that we'd work out well. It just sucks that she doesn't like me back. Why must it be so complicated? If she liked me back, then... Wow. I wouldn't even know what to do. Life would be so great. But life doesn't work that way. So either I must hold onto hope or give up hope. Ultimately, that's what life is about: holding onto hope or giving it up. I've held onto hope for so many things that never came to pass, and I've given up often and come to discover that it's just as empty as hoping. So I don't know what to do.
So. I have feelings for her, she doesn't have feelings for me. What to do? There are two options. Either I can continue being myself and trying to win her heart, or I can do what must be done to erase all feelings for her. Either option is hard. Gambill told me, "If you could see the two of you going long-term if you dated, then I say maybe keep trying." I asked what he meant, and he said, "Do you think you could marry this girl? Date with intent." I have known this girl for several years, and I know that if we got married, it would probably work out. So right now I'm leaning towards keeping doing what I'm doing, though my other friend says I should do the opposite: I should do what must be done to stop liking her, or I'll just be torturing myself day-in and day-out.
I just keep thinking about how great it would be to be with her--she's an amazing and beautiful girl--and I know that we'd be a cute couple and that we'd work out well. It just sucks that she doesn't like me back. Why must it be so complicated? If she liked me back, then... Wow. I wouldn't even know what to do. Life would be so great. But life doesn't work that way. So either I must hold onto hope or give up hope. Ultimately, that's what life is about: holding onto hope or giving it up. I've held onto hope for so many things that never came to pass, and I've given up often and come to discover that it's just as empty as hoping. So I don't know what to do.
2 comments:
on my drive home from waffle house i communicated to myself again the reasons i have for loving the one that i do. you want to know torture? i'll tell you all about it: it is loving one who doesn't have the same feelings as you and not giving those feelings up... however, i believe that i'm experiencing a "true love" type scenario where every awkward conversation leaves me floating and determined to pursue with patient intent.
oh torturous bliss!
You are right, man. Torture ought to be redefined as loving someone who doesn't have the same feelings and not giving those feelings up.
"Pursue with patient intent." I like that. Hell, I like the way you word everything lol
Post a Comment