of goats and carmen electra

Today should be a good day. I have class at 12:30, then class at 2:30, and after that I'm working on some Hebrew verbs. My friend Amos may be coming over tonight for dinner, which will be exciting. Tomorrow I work 9:30-1:00, and then Sarah and I are going to Alms Park and then going shopping for coats. I have a goat (I meant coat, then realized I misspelled it, and then I realized I like saying that I have a goat more than I like saying I have a coat), but it is frayed and burnt in some places (long story) (and it bleats a lot). We're also going to Victoria Secret, because there's a cologne there that I use and I'm almost out. Yes, it is a men's perfume. Just because I work out to Carmen Electra's "Strip-Tease" doesn't mean I am feminine in every arena of my life. Saturday is an open book, but I may see a movie with some friends, or I may go up to Dayton and visit the family, spend the night there and go back to my home church--Southwest--on Sunday morning. My life is pretty unexciting, so I'm trying to find ways of making it exciting. Yesterday, for example, I went to Devou Park across the river and took some pictures of the city from the overlook gazebo. Here is one of them:

I have been itching to write. I've finished "Dwellers of the Night" and it's done really well, gotten lots of reviews, but I want to try my hand at a different kind of story, a short 150-page tear-jerker, and I've been experimenting with different writing styles to try and achieve this. Right now I'm experimenting with the style of Hubert Selby, Jr. (he wrote the novel "Requiem for a Dream"). I want it to be about the pain of loving and not being loved back, of the frailty and mockery of romance, of the emptiness of dreams. It is quite depressing, but I need only look at my past journals to receive inspiration.

Having talked with the girl, having told her that I liked her, I continue unsure of what to do next. I am toying with two different options, but I'm leaning towards one in particular following conversations with a few select friends and with my beloved little sister. I am glad I told her, because I've gotten it off my chest; a new phase in my life has been initiated, though the direction this phase shall take is unknown. I'll tell you what, though: I'm really glad that I told her, because she deserves to know that she can be loved and appreciated. Everyone struggles with self-esteem issues, and she is not excluded from this. I hope that if she takes anything from this it is the knowledge that she is of great worth and great value, that she's a great girl, and she shouldn't settle for less than what she deserves; and she deserves the best!